We’ve done players, we’ve done pundits, and now it’s the turn of football managers to have their cliches and sayings exposed and interpreted.
Whether you call them “boss”, “gaffer” or “interim”, the manager is someone who is somehow expected to convey authority without appearing to be a tyrant. This requires a secret code that even Leonard Cohen would struggle with.
Today you will learn how to speak ‘manager’ and please the board:
“I did not see the incident”
Translation: I know exactly what happened, and my player was in the wrong, but I’m not going to admit that on camera.
“We will deal with it internally”
Translation: I am going to get this cheeky so-and-so and have them run around the training pitch while reading from James Joyce’s Ulysses.
“I believe in attacking football”
Translation: Of course, I know this is what you want me to say. Unless you’re the kind of manager like Tony Pulis or Sam Allardyce, you can’t really say, “I am a manager who enjoys the ugliest football available to humanity”
“I am not involved in those conversations”
Translation: Stop asking me about potential transfer targets. We have no money and even if we did I as manager have no say in it.
“He’s a good character”
Translation: He’s practically guillotined the other player’s legs so this is the only defensive statement I have left.
“I have already answered that question”
Translation: I get that this is the topical question everyone is discussing but I’m the manager so I’d like to talk about the managing bit now please.
“Next question…”
Philippe Clement, bonus manager translation: Say something provocative. Go on, ask it. I double-dog dare you.
“I am not ready to have that conversation now”
Translation: My contract is up at the end of the season. I am desperately hoping to be a manager at a better club with more money next season but don’t want to admit that in public.
“I had a conversation with the referee”
Translation: If I had my way the next conversation would involve a flamethrower and a pair of pliers.
“We’re taking it game by game”
Translation: I’m not stupid enough to set a manager target that if I fail at will cost me my job.
“I have the backing of the board”
Translation: Please don’t sack me, I promise I’ll be good.
Over to you…
What manager phrases have you picked up on? Let us know and you could be featured in a future article.
